The days are long

Being a mom is something you think about and as you approach motherhood you imagine what your days and new life will be like. You've seen your friends go through the experience and from the outside, you figure you have a sense of what it must be like to be a mom. While there are some circumstances that allow you to get a glimpse into what life could be like, you really don't know until you are there, doing the job, being a mom.

One of the big things I have learned in the past 3 months is to accept that I don't get things accomplished like I used to. I may have a list of 5 things, head out with the best of intentions to get them all done, however it is no longer up to me whether or not the list is completed. A daughter on the verge of a meltdown, needing a feeding, needing a nap or just plain over all the running around will put a damper on ambition pretty darn quickly.

That said, you also discover that many of your days are the same. You get up, you feed, you change, you play, you nap, you clean and hopefully at some point get out of the house or maybe shower. While there may be a few variations on that, this for the most part is what my day involves. You realize that you don't get a day off from being a mom. This is a new identity. This is who you are now, and that life is now bigger than just you. What you want at times doesn't matter as someone else's needs must be met.

But just as the days are long, you also realize that the years are short. Sofia is now 3 months and 5 days. She has outgrown 2 onesies, has a pair of jammies that now look more like a gymnastic leotard and a shirt that refuses to stay down over her belly regardless of how many times I pull it down. She recognizes who I am, will smile when she hears my voice, will make the effort to have her own conversation with me. She sits with minimal assistance, grabs at things, is now big enough in the 'Westy' chair to play with the dangling toys. And this is when you ask yourself ~ when did this happen? When did she grow big enough to hold her own head never mind sit? How did she manage to grow her little arms long enough to bat at the toys in the chair? Where did that tiny girl who slept in my arms go?

While that tiny girl may not be there any more, the girl who is there now, laughs when I zerbert her belly, smiles when she sees me in the morning, vocalizes herself when she doesn't think we are paying enough attention to her, has stories that she is trying to tell and is a great big sponge taking it all in.

I vowed that I would make a concerted effort to enjoy every moment and I have to admit, when the days are long, joy isn't always what you feel. Exhaustion, frustration and speculation as to how you are going to get through the day often replaces the 'joy'. This leads to the wonderment on how instantly your life changed and despite it only being a few months, you almost forget what it was like before. But as you reflect on how quickly it all changes, I long for the time I didn't take advantage of, the time I may have wished away so that I can make the most of each of those moments ~ live in the moment. To do that I realize that you need to make that effort, even though you are tired, even though you aren't sure it makes a difference, you still need to put your effort into it. It does make a difference ~ maybe not today, but it will make a difference. You need to enjoy each day ~ time is the one thing you can't get back.

So as I read somewhere, 'the days are long but the years are short'. I will endeavour to make the best of the 'years' and work through the days, appreciating them for what they are.